Why hide?

I cry a lot lately. I’m not really sure why. Is it my difficult past?  The friends I’ve lost recently?  My uncertain future?  Is it from the guilt I feel for my husband being stuck with the complete opposite woman than what he married?  The thing is, I’m okay with it.  Not that my husband ended up with a 170 lb weakling when he married a 125 lb ass kicker, get it done, no nonsense bitch.  What I am okay with is my crying.  For real.  Not that I want to do it in front of others.  Or even for them to know about it.  But it is what it is.  It’s me.  I’m going thru so many things lately.  The loss of my  strength, a challenging business, a father that hasn’t spoken to me in over a year, the deaths of my “mom” and other great people,  friends that have lost interest over the years because I get weaker and less fun,  the realization that money doesnt grow on trees, lots and lots of anti-Jennifer campaigners even tho all I want to be is a supportive, kind influence to everyone around me.  But here is the thing, I still love myself.  I’m weaker physically, but stronger emotionally.   I still want to give unconditional support to my friends, I want to provide jobs for a few neat people in my community, share my gift of the balance sheet with my clients, I want to continue to be my husband’s best friend, make people laugh when they’re sad, smile at a stranger when they need it.  I want to be a small participant, to help continue the trend  towards equality and acceptance for everyone.  No, I’m wrong.  Not acceptance, that’s not enough.  Equality and support and kindness.  Those are the things the make me smile.  And those are the things that make me cry.  I’m not embarrassed by it.  I’m proud that i still care.  I’ve experienced what the world can dish out and I still care enough to cry.  That’s pretty great.